I'll Take the $250K, If You Don't Mind

An economic analyst has run the numbers to determine the value of the stimulus for job creation. According to recovery.gov, 640,329 jobs have been created by the stimulus through October. This is of significant importance to me, because technically I am 1 of 640,329. I am working on a stimulus-funded project and was hired right before it started. There is no way for me to deny that I am a statistic, but it still doesn't make me happy about or proud of the amount that the government has flushed away, which is $157.8 billion to date. By doing some simple math, that amounts to $246,436 spent per job created. I can assure you that my salary is nowhere near that figure. Where did the roughly $200,000 in spare change go? Somewhere in the black hole that we call the federal bureaucracy. I suppose when I got my job offer back in June, I could've been a little more assertive at the negotiating table. I should've said, "I'll take the $250K, if you don't mind."

Workplace Mannerisms

You know you've caught yourself exhibiting the following mannerisms at work. I don't know where they originated or how they became standard operating procedure, but everyone does them. You know you have.

1) The Entrance Sigh: Letting out a disaffected sigh when you enter a room. Typically occurs when you enter the copy room to grab a printout, the breakroom when you go for coffee, or when you are carrying an armful of papers. Only applies when another person is in the room, otherwise, the sigh is mysteriously omitted from your asinine task.

2) The Wide Eyes and Upward Head Lift: Socially acceptable hallway greeting. When passing a co-worker to whom you have nothing to say, a wave or high-five is excessively exuberant, but avoiding eye-contact is awkward and creepy. The common solution is to raise your eyebrows to make your eyes wide and slightly tilt your head upward, as if to say "What a day!" or "Work, work, work!". Sidenote: Stick with the facial expressions. Never, ever utter those pitiful cliché phrases.

3) The All Clear: Checking over your shoulder to see who witnesses you entering the bathroom. Why does it matter who sees you entering the bathroom? Everyone uses it during the day, sometimes on multiple occasions. But you always glance over both shoulders before entering the lavatory just to see who notices you. It doesn't matter if they did... you just want to know.